Mirror, mirror on the wall

Why are mirrors often difficult for people with dementia?

My mom didn’t seem to have anxiety or fear when she viewed herself in a mirror, but I could tell she was wary of the person in the image. Momma was always gracious and hospitable, so it didn’t surprise me that she would sometimes think the image peering back at her in the mirror was someone visiting her home. I believe mom viewed herself as younger than her mirror image, so didn’t think that she was that older woman in the mirror. Mom’s mirror confusion was evidenced by her sometimes having an entirely sweet little chat with the other person.

The only time I noticed heightened concern was when mom would see her reflection in the mirror on her way into the bathroom–a place where most people prefer privacy. She would occasionally think the bathroom was occupied and then turn around and say something like, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I’ll come back later.”

Entirely sweet too, but sometimes this would lead to missed opportunities to make it to the bathroom on time.

Momma inspecting her new hairdo.

Interesting note–her little hand mirror didn’t seem to cause any perception problems at all. Perhaps it was because it could be tucked away in a drawer if she didn’t want to look at her image any longer.Maybe it was because the image was just of her face and not her stooped over and aging body. I don’t know, but her hand mirror remained a prized possession well into her journey with dementia.

Visual perception problems can be challenging for those caring for someone they love who is dealing with dementia. I hope that Dr. Natali’s brief video will give you insight into this dementia behavior and practical suggestions for this stage of your caregiving journey.

Anniversary Morning Coffee

Every morning, as I sit bleary-eyed in front of the bathroom mirror getting ready for my day, my kind-hearted husband brings me my first cup of coffee. That little gesture is a sweet reminder that Wayne loves, honors, and cherishes me as his wife—49 years today, in fact. How grateful I am for this man’s faithful love and care for me.

July 3, 1976

Another sip of coffee as I glance in the mirror, then I pick up my hairbrush and begin smoothing the tangles away. I smile as I think about how I was 15 years old when I met Wayne. He was a sailor stationed at a naval air station in Hawaii. We had been writing to one another for a few months but met for the first time in person at church when he was home on leave.

One of our first dates

As I got to know him better in those few weeks, I found myself wanting to do things that pleased him—like growing my pageboy hairstyle longer because Wayne said he liked long hair.

Me at 15 —going on 16

He still likes my long hair, so not much has changed about my hairstyle since the 70’s, except that the gray hairs now outnumber the brunette hairs. I have tried to cover those gray hairs in years past but now consider them a badge of honor. As I look at my reflection in the mirror today, those gray hairs framing my time-worn face remind me that God has blessed me.

The years of marriage that lie ahead are surely fewer than the ones behind, but we have every confidence they will continue to be blessed. Even if our golden years together are sprinkled with hardship and painful loss, we have assurance of His faithfulness. The Lord promises, “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you” (Isaiah 46:4).


Linking up with Kate and friends at Five Minute Friday. This week’s FMF writing prompt is: FACE. For instructions on how to join the link-up, click here.

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