As a kid, there was one ride at a carnival or theme park where you would rarely see me: bumper cars. I hated them. Sorry, I don’t have a photo to illustrate this paragraph; if I did, I would be the terrified looking kid (or adult) stuck in the corner with everybody crashing into me. There was nothing fun about it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have allowed myself to be in a bumper car. Each of those times my participation was only under great duress from a friend. The last time was when my kids were small (and super cute), with big eyes and sweet voices that pleaded, “Puhlleeeze, Mom!” So, I acquiesced and ended up in another corner – this time my own kids taking devious joy in crashing into me. I can smile about it now, but back then I couldn’t wait to get out of that car!
You might be wondering why I even bring up this crazy aversion related to bumper cars. Something I saw in my momma’s world today reminded me of my scary experience with bumper cars. Let me tell you about it.
As I mentioned in one of my last posts (you can read it here), mom has been closing her eyes to the world around her. Perhaps she is just tired, but I think it is her way of shutting out some of the confusing stimuli. Living life with her eyes closed may offer a measure of control over her world. In combination with her inability to hear, closing her eyes may bring peace and control to her chaotic world of life with Alzheimer’s. Nowadays, she eats most meals with her eyes closed; a bit messy and effectively shuts out any interaction with her table-mates. When she is offered the medications she takes, Mom often refuses by closing her eyes tight. In effect, she makes the unpleasant things in life disappear, much like a child who thinks you can’t see them if they cover their eyes and can’t see you.
Mom’s latest eyes closed activity has been fiddle-footing around in her wheelchair with her eyes closed. Watching her bump into walls and other obstructions in her path reminds me very much of driving a bumper car with her eyes closed. Over and over again, she’ll try to propel herself through a doorway, not bothering to open her eyes to see that she is hung up on the door frame. As afternoon anxiety seeps into her consciousness, she will bump-bump-bump her way around her room, sometimes getting stuck in a corner and then whimpering that she is stuck. When offered help, she often refuses and continues to whimper about her stuck-ness, rather than accept help from someone who cares about her.
As I watched my mom struggle with this today, I was reminded of another person who has similar self-imposed blindness.
How many times do I keep bump-bump-bumping into obstacles to growth in my life without bothering to open my eyes to my need for help?
In an effort to encourage us to apply the truth of God’s Word in our lives, our pastor likes to give us homework at the close of his sermons. I try very hard to complete at least one of the three suggested assignments each week. This week’s sermon really challenged me (you can hear “Declaring War in 2020 – Part 3” here), and one of his suggested assignments really resonated with me. So here’s the assignment I’m prayerfully considering this week:
“Who have I invited to help me grow spiritually?”