Alzheimer’s – Barefoot Lily Lady

5 Years Ago

We’re back from our Hawaiian adventure with Mia. What a grand adventure.

Now I am settling back into the comfort of life’s routine. Sleeping in my own bed with my favorite pillow. Spending Sunday with our church family. Doing laundry in my own washing machine and not having to put $7.00 worth of quarters into the machine for each load!

Today I slept in until my body woke me up….and was almost late for work. It brought me joy being in BeeHive’s kitchen baking up treats for our residents again (many thanks to Karen who filled in for me while I was away).

In the midst of my baking joy, my heart remembered that my journey with BeeHive began 5 years ago today. March 25, 2019 was the day I accepted the help of BeeHive in caring for my mother in her journey Home with Alzheimer’s.

Facebook confirmed that memory with two reminisce posts. Many of my friends and family were praying as I moved Momma out of my home and into her new bedroom at BeeHive. We arrived just in time for lunch. While mom and I ate lunch, Wayne and Beth moved mom’s things into her new room, setting it up much like her bedroom in my home. After lunch, I walked mom into her new space and she settled right in and was soon napping.

I sat in her room watching her sleep for a bit, then met with Gina to go over some move-in details. When we were finished, I was not quite sure what to do with myself. I wrote about that here…

Momma would live here for the last 14 months of her sojourn on earth. Here she would be loved and cared for with the level of care I could not provide. She had friends around her, good food, fun activities, someone to help her every hour of the day or night, and someone to help her to shower (something I couldn’t offer her at my house).

Placing her in assisted living memory care was a hard decision. And the right decision.

Thank you, BeeHive!

A Prayer for Grace

Just reminding myself of a little something my sweet momma wrote on this day back in 2016. Click on the link below to read what she wrote. May it bless your heart as much as it does mine.

It brings me joy when I find a little prayerful note written in my mother’s handwriting. Seeing what was on her heart and mind at certain times of …
A Prayer for Grace

Addressing Common Environmental Triggers in Dementia Care

I have three reasons why I would make this excellent article required reading for anyone even remotely involved in dementia care:

My mother had Alzheimer’s. I wish I would have been able to read this while I was caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s.
My mom lived in assisted living memory care for the last year of her life. She received fantastic care, but this would have been very helpful training for her caregivers.
My brother has vascular dementia and currently lives in a skilled nursing facility (a nursing home). I wish that everyone who works there would read this–it would be so helpful.

Environmental Triggers and Dementia

Birthday Blessings

It’s January 17, 2024 and today would have been my sweet Momma’s 90th birthday. It’s nearly midnight and sleep has not yet come to my weary eyes, so I decided I would not let this day pass without taking a moment to acknowledge the great blessing God gave me in this lovely woman.

The last birthday I celebrated with her was her 86th. Mom didn’t participate much in the celebration. There was a delicious cake, a bouquet of flowers, a few gifts to unwrap, and cute birthday balloons. But Alzheimer’s had already taken away her ability to understand what the joyous fuss was about. She enjoyed eating the cake I made her, so that blessed my heart.

While I cannot bake her another cake today, I can stop and thank God for blessing this world with Charlotte Louise Peet Boyles–the woman I would call Momma.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Proverbs 31:30-31

A-Z Caregiving Tips (R-S)

Time to revisit my little series of A-Z Caregiving Tips. The photo below is the article which inspired me to make my own A-to-Z list. Let me pick up where I left off and invite you to join me this week for R and S.

Repeat gently, looking toward me if I miss hearing something.

One thing we caregivers do a lot is repeat ourselves. When our loved ones have trouble understanding what we say, it’s important to repeat things. It’s also important to communicate in a way that includes facial expressions, which provide important information for our loved ones. Because my mom was also very hard of hearing, she relied even more heavily on my facial expressions.

The person who has dementia needs you to sit down on their level, look them in the eyes with all gentleness as you speak. I say “gentleness” because it is very easy to have a look of annoyance or irritation when you feel like you’re repeating something for the umpteenth time. Caregivers must be aware that the non-verbal messages we communicate with our body language and facial expressions speak louder than the actual words we speak.

Facial expressions can be difficult for people with hearing problems to understand when we’re moving. Think about how often we call out to someone in another room during the day. Or when we talk to someone in passing as we’re busy with other things. If you’d like more information on this topic, click here for another great resource.

(With all respect to the original author of this list, I didn’t quite see how standing up for the environment relates to caregiving, so let me proffer my own version of the letter S.)

Step back and take a break.

Being a caregiver can be very stressful. I often felt overwhelmed while taking care of my mom. During those moments, I had to take a step back and take a break from all the pressure. For me, that meant leaving my mom with my husband for an hour or two so I could go to the gym. Sometimes he called me back home, but most of the time, I was able to enjoy some time for myself and relax.

It bothers me when I hear caregivers lament that they have no one to help them. I know that it is too often the case; but more often than not, the reality of the situation is that they (we) are afraid to ask for help–or reticent to accept help when it is offered.

I believed I was the best person to take care of my mom, but I also realized that I wasn’t the only one who could do it. It was important for my well-being to take a little break sometimes. I would reach out to our church’s private Facebook page and ask for someone to spend time with my mom for a few hours so I could do something else. Most of the time, someone was willing to help.

There were times when a friend would say something like, “Hey, my daughter and I would like to stop by on Monday to color with your mom. What time would be good for you?”

I learned two important lessons: Ask for help, and never refuse an offer of help.

By God’s Grace and for His Glory

A sweet friend and aspiring blogger once asked me to guest write on her fledgling blog. I was happy to do so, as I was trying to get my own blogging endeavor off the ground and thought exposure to someone else’s audience might be helpful. As we all know, life doesn’t always follow our plans. God had other plans. My friend’s life filled up with the other good things God had planned for her life, and the blogging endeavor went by the wayside.

I almost deleted the article I wrote as a guest, because it remained unpublished in my draft folder for years. Before hitting “delete,” I re-read it and decided to hit “publish” before another year passes. It is my hope that this post will encourage another caregiver. I hope they find that no matter where life leads us, with God’s assistance, we can live by God’s grace and for His glory.

Considering Assisted Living?

If you are a caregiver for a loved one with dementia (or some other form of life-altering illness), there may come a day when you realize you need to consider other options for providing the best care. Perhaps the post that follows will be helpful as you wrestle with that important decision.

A Gardener’s Quiet Nod to Alzheimer’s Awareness

I walked alongside my mother in the part of her life where Alzheimer’s dementia was her daily companion. I’m grateful for that time spent with her and learned so much as we traveled those years together.

She’s been enjoying heaven for three years now —freed from the bondage of failing mind and body. In these three years, I’m gradually learning to enjoy the freedom to spend moments (more like hours) of joy playing in the dirt in my garden.

If you were to visit my garden (and I hope you will), you might notice little splashes of purple objects d’art sprinkled throughout the flowerbeds. Second-hand curtain and drapery rods, trellises, and various chairs have all taken on a coat or two of purple spray paint.

Why purple? It’s both in memory of my mother (who loved that color), and also my quiet nod to Alzheimer’s awareness.

A Week of Flowers – Day #2

I’m joining Cathy at Words and Herbs for her annual ‘A Week of Flowers’ meme. It’s Day #2 and I’m happy to take you on a little reminisce of some pretty spring and early summer days in my garden. Let me introduce you to a few of my favorite peonies.

Crying Hearts

Rewind of a Facebook Note written sometime in 2015

I made Momma cry today.

Somewhere near the intersection of my trying to be helpful and Momma’s trying to remember, she snapped at me, shooed me away with the wave of her hand, blurting, “Get out of here! Leave me alone! Let me just try to think about one thing at a time!”

With more hurt and frustration in my voice than I intended, I retorted, “Alright Momma, I’ll leave you alone!” Retreating to the solitude of my former bedroom, I felt the door slam behind me, hot tears stinging my eyes, ready to gush at a moment’s notice. I really wanted to throw myself on my bed, bury my face in my pillow, scream and bawl, then drift off to sleep, leaving the nightmare of Mom’s advancing memory loss behind.

Mom in her favorite chair–surrounded by great-grandkid love (circa 2012)

Instead, I stood there in the middle of the room and cried out to God. I was only in prayer for a minute or two, maybe even only a few seconds of time. But in that small measure of time, I felt God’s presence. He was speaking to me. Not in an audible voice, but in that place in the very core of your being where all of life’s decisions are made and emotions are felt. That place where you love. The heart.

God was reminding me He was there and that we would get through this together.

Gingerly opening my bedroom door and peeking down the hall, I spied my sweet Momma at the other end of the hall. She was right where I left her minutes ago, sitting in her favorite chair in the living room, quietly dabbing away her tears of confusion with great big wads of tissue.

Humbled in heart and quieted by the Spirit, I went to Momma, knelt in front of her, then wrapped her in my arms and said, “I’m so sorry, Momma.” My sweet mom put her arms around my neck in a motherly hug and laid her tearful, trying-to-remember weary head on my shoulder.

“Momma, Jesus will help us through this.”

“I know. I know,” acknowledged Momma with gentle, reassuring pats on my back.