“Aaaarrrgh! She keeps asking the same question over and over again. I’m going to go crazy! How can I handle this?”
Caregivers everywhere know full well that repeated questions are a common symptom of dementia and a frustrating, nerve-wracking, mind-numbing daily reality.
Dr. Natali Edmonds, PsyD, APBB of Dementia Careblazers has some wonderfully helpful YouTube videos which address many helpful topics for those she calls “Careblazers” – those caring for a loved one with dementia disorders. Dr. Natali addresses the problem of repeated questions here, but let me add a few tips from my personal experience related to dealing with my mother’s repeated questions.
One of the best ways to handle the problem is to patiently answer the question and remind ourselves that it is the disease causing the loved one to repeatedly ask the question. I must admit, the everyday battle eats away at my patience and drives me bonkers, with my mother’s hearing loss adding another level of crazy. My husband and I are so accustomed to having to use our loud voices to communicate with her that we sometimes don’t realize when we’re shouting at someone who may be visiting us in our home.
One of the smartest communication tools we have purchased is a simple lap-size white board and a few Expo markers. This little investment has brought great returns in helping answer the questions looping around in Momma’s brain. Yesterday’s question of the day was, “Where am I?” After verbally answering her question a few times, I just pulled out her whiteboard and wrote down, “I live with my daughter Cindie and her husband Wayne. This is our home.” Momma read the answer aloud on several occasions and seemed calmed by having her answer.
One of mom’s most often asked questions is: “What am I doing today?” I often use the whiteboard to inform her as to what is happening on a given day, writing this down for her in “to-do list” fashion. For example, if I plan to wash her hair, I’ll write it down as an item on her check-list. Also on the list are tasks she still enjoys doing, like folding laundry and drying dishes. Writing those tasks down on the whiteboard gives her the satisfaction of being able to cross off the task once it is accomplished.
Momma loves it when guests come to visit, but is visibly agitated when she can’t remember their names, repeatedly asking, “What is your name?” Writing names on the whiteboard helps her relax a bit (name tags help too). If children are part of the mix, we have their parents prepare them ahead of the visit for the fact that Mrs. Boyles will ask them the same questions over and over again. Kids always seem to “get it” and are very patient and kind, talking loudly to her and flashing their big comforting smiles at her each time they answer one of her many questions.
The road to communication is a two-way street. Mom will sometimes use the whiteboard to ask a question or make an observation. Other times she’ll write down her thoughts, giving me a little window into her concerns. Many times she will write down something she is thankful for, such as the picture you see below. In this picture she is writing a little note of thanks for someone whose visit she had enjoyed.
Well, that’s my tip or suggestion for this week. I’d love to hear a few of your great communication tips! Please feel free to share them in the comments below.