Barefoot Lily Lady

Planning for Retirement

It’s my pleasure to introduce my readers to my very wise financial advisor. Well, since we’re approaching our 47th wedding anniversary, I guess he’s a whole lot more than that to me. Wayne has a keen mind for understanding the world of finance. It brings him great joy to be able to help others understand it too.

What to do Before Retirement

Alzheimer’s Caregiver: Dealing with Aggressive Behavior

If you ever had the pleasure of knowing my mom, you would probably describe her as one of the kindest and most caring people you have ever met. Her sweetness was a predominant character quality, even as Alzheimer’s claimed more of her memories and abilities. I’ve written about her loving care for doll babies, and about how the nurse came out in her so often in her last year of life in assisted living memory care. Here are a few photos of her sweet self.

Sometimes, however, momma wasn’t so sweet. She’d take a swing at my head when I was kneeling in front of her trying to help her tie her shoes. She once threw a frozen dinner at my brother when he was sick in bed and started screaming at him. We theorize that she was just so very frustrated that she couldn’t remember how to work a microwave anymore–she wanted to help him, but didn’t know how. In assisted living memory care, a mean streak would occasionally surface when someone was assisting her with a shower. Mom wasn’t one to use profanity, but would very occasionally let angry words fly when someone was just trying to help her.

It wasn’t mom. It was what Alzheimer’s was doing as it ravaged her brain.

It can be very stressful for the caregiver when someone they love suddenly becomes combative and aggressive. Sometimes there are physical reasons why a loved one is lashing out – like pain, or a urinary tract infection, or frustrations over not being able to physically do something (like tie her own shoes, or stand without assistance).

Timing

For my momma, it was sometimes the timing of what she was being requested to do. We learned very early on that it was futile to awaken her for a meal or a shower—that was just begging for angry outbursts and uncontrollable tears. Sometimes she’d refuse food at mealtimes. We learned it was best to just let her be—she would often forget she was mad and be sweet as pie when you reintroduced the same plate of food a few minutes later.

Speaking of pie, we also learned that if we would “lead with sweet” by serving mom’s dessert at the beginning of her meal, she’d eat her dessert and then just keep going. It also helped to let mom bring Dolly with her to meals. Dolly didn’t eat much, but sometimes needed her face washed after meals.

Fear

Sadly, my mom oftentimes became very agitated and fearful at the prospect of taking a shower. This is VERY common. I first noticed it in the moderate stage of dementia. If a shower was suggested, she’d have every reason in the world not to do it now. She generally used stall tactics, like, “Later.” Or, “I already showered before you got here.” As the disease progressed, there would be no question about it—mom would NEED a shower. One of the wisest things I ever did as a caregiver was to hire help for bathing. I was extremely thankful for the aides who came to assist with this need. Their training prepared them for the ups and downs of performing the necessary hygiene tasks, and each aide had tricks up her sleeve as to how to help alleviate mom’s fear and anxiety.

There were times when even the aides were unsuccessful. Sometimes the best we could do was give mom a bed-bath or a quick wipe-down. I found it really convenient and helpful to use these disposable washcloths–they could be warmed in the microwave, which mom found very soothing.

My heart goes out to you caregivers who are dealing with combative and aggressive behavior with your loved one. Every situation is different, but I hope my experience with mom will help someone else get through this. If you’d like more information, you might want to check out this informative and helpful article, “Dealing with Aggressive Behavior”.

Stay Tuned—Buds to Blossoms

Beauty in the Waiting

My garden often teaches and reminds me of spiritual truths. Watching the progression of peonies going from bud stage to full-blown loveliness brought to mind how sanctification and growth in Christ takes place.

The Falk Reflector – Memories of Dad

I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. Maybe it’s because it’s Father’s Day. Or perhaps because I came across some cans of pumpkin puree while I was cleaning out my pantry. I always think of my Dad when I bake pumpkin pies (his favorite).

Memories are stirred when I find an old photo here – a notebook or binder there. Even though he’s been enjoying his heavenly home for 15 years, I am still occasionally stumbling upon some of his things, like the cardigan sweater I see every time I open my closet.

Speaking of my closet — that closet seems to always be in desperate need of a major sorting, rearranging and dusting. Not long ago, I spent a little time doing just that. As I sorted, one of the memorabilia binders I created for my dad’s funeral service in 2008 caught my eye. Right next to that binder was another one which said, “FALK” on the spine. I decided to take a little break from my cleaning to explore the pages of the second notebook. I slid the 3-ring binder off of its shelf, then plopped on a guest room bed for a little page-turning reflection of a slice of dad’s life.

It soon became obvious that this binder contained items Mom had saved from dad’s years of working at Falk Corporation in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. There were some cool black and white photos of the giant gears he worked on in his career as a mechanical engineer.

There was also an envelope tucked in the back pocket of the binder. I opened the envelope and found a number of newspaper clippings related to an explosion that occurred at the plant in December of 2006, after dad had retired. Sadly, three people were killed and forty-seven others injured. Cars were reportedly flipped through the air and debris scattered over several blocks. An investigation of the cause of the disaster uncovered leaks in a pipe running below the plant building, which supplied propane to the heating system.

Of particular interest to me was one slightly damaged photo which showed him as a young man dressed as I remembered him, right down to the well-appointed pocket protector.

This photo brought back a childhood memory. Most little kids don’t really have a handle on what their dad does for a living. I certainly didn’t. I proved that point one day in kindergarten.

We were seated on the linoleum floor in a circle around our teacher, Mrs. Kramer, who had just read us a story about the jobs that people do. She then asked us to share what our daddies did for their job. I listened as my classmates each took their turn sharing about their dad with great pride: there were firefighters, a doctor, a teacher or two, and there was even a dad who helped build houses. All sorts of cool jobs. My turn came and I was still clueless, so I said the coolest thing I could think of at the moment. “My daddy works in a candy store,” resulting in all sorts of “oohs and ahhs” from my friends. I beamed with pride.

Yours truly in kindergarten (with requisite school picture day bad haircut).

Well, my parents learned of my daddy’s newly fabricated job description when Mrs. Kramer brought it up at parent-teacher conference. It gave them quite a laugh. I didn’t get in trouble for that, but my parents made sure I went to work with my dad a time or two so I could see what he did. Turns out that mechanical engineering is not quite as cool as working in an imaginary candy shop.

But, those giant gears were pretty incredible.

The company also had a little newsletter called, “The Falk Reflector.” Mom had saved a few copies over the years. I noticed mom had marked a few pages, so I turned to the pages she thought were worth noting. Mom marked a paragraph sharing this funny bit of anecdotal shop-talk concerning my dad.

This gave me quite a belly laugh.
If you knew how fastidious my dad was in cleaning out vehicles, you’d be laughing too!

Six on Saturday: Gushing with Beauty

Welcome to my garden. If you love all things purple and pink, you’re in for a flowery treat.

What a difference a few weeks of time can make in the metamorphic beauty of a garden.

We’re going through quite a dry spell here in my part of the world–a few sprinkles and light showers here and there, but nothing earth-quenching to speak of. My husband has been helping me keep the gardens watered, so most of our plants are holding their own and not too stressed. The peonies and iris have completed their summer visit, but my clematis vines are now absolutely gushing with beauty. Here’s a peek at six of my favorites (at the moment).

It’s been a pleasure having you stop by for a “Six on Saturday” peek at what’s happening in my Wisconsin garden. If you’d like to see more beautiful garden spaces, pop on over for a virtual visit with Jim at Garden Ruminations–where you’ll find his comment section to be a pleasant pastime.