Momma lived out her last years with Alzheimer’s. As her primary caregiver, I was honored to be an eyewitness to her faithful walk with the Lord, even as memories slipped away and her body failed her. I loved to hear her pray. May the Lord bless each of my readers with the grace to live life in the hard places like my momma.
Category: Alzheimer’s
More Clematis Love
Just a little splash of Clematis love coming from our July garden.
I would describe the color of Clematis ‘Prince Charles’ as lilac-blue. My husband dug this clematis up for me earlier this summer and then rehomed it in a spot about 2 feet away so that it wouldn’t have to reach so far toward this backyard arbor. I call this handsome guy “Charlie” as it is planted to remind me of my oldest grandson, Charlie.
Clematis ‘Comtesse de Bouchaud’ is most definitely a gorgeous showstopper gracing the south-facing front of our house. We gave her a bigger trellis a year or two ago, but it looks like we may need to upsize again in the near future. “Comtesse” is the French word for countess, a female member of nobility. This lovely lady is definitely regal.
Another view of ‘Comtesse de Bouchaud’ earlier this summer–just loaded with buds waiting to burst into glorious bloom. I just love her six-petaled rosy-pink (almost lavender) blossoms with creamy yellow stamens.
The petals of profusely flowering Clematis ‘Sunset’ are a stunning, velvety purple with streaks of sunset red radiating from her beautiful creamy white anthers. She’s a reliable repeat bloomer, but I’m going in with my pruning shears this week to snip out spent flowers to encourage a stronger repeat bloom.
Pretty in pink Clematis ‘Princess Diana’ is charming and super-happy this summer. I have her planted in full sun on both the southwest and southeast sides of our home. Though not technically a climber, I’ve trained her to the arbor at the entrance to our backyard.
Before life with Alzheimer’s necessitated moving my sweet momma out of her home, I took a digging of clematis from her lovely garden. I never found a tag for it, but think it just might be Clematis ‘Multi-Blue.’ This beauty has scrambled up one side of the arbor at the entrance to the backyard for almost 10 years now. I call her ‘Lady Charlotte’ in remembrance of momma, and hope that she will one day meet up with ‘Princess Diana’ regally scrambling up the other side.
That’s a wrap for my Six on Saturday from hot and humid Southern Wisconsin this Saturday. To enjoy the world garden tour visit our Six on Saturday host Jim at http://gardenruminations.co.uk
Assisted Living: What to Expect
May this little missive of mine encourage someone navigating a similar road in life.
Engaging in conversations with the family members is one of my favorite things to do as I work on preparing desserts in the kitchen of BeeHive Assisted Living and Memory Care. Since both my mom and my brother have lived there, my heart knows what they are experiencing as they partner with Beehive to care for someone that they love. It has now been five years since my sweet momma left behind the shackles of her earthly body and mind and quietly moved into her heavenly home.
I’m sharing the post that follows in honor of my mom–a little reminisce of things mom and I experienced in the early days of her stay at BeeHive. When I wrote the post that follows back in 2019, mom was living in BeeHive’s first building. In the months that followed, she would sit at her bedroom window watching as the second neighboring building was constructed. God has blessed and a third building is now nearing completion. My prayer for BeeHive is that many more families will experience the care that my loved ones and I received. May this little missive of mine encourage someone navigating a similar road in life.
Continue reading “Assisted Living: What to Expect”A Message from an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
I am pleased to share this relatable post written by Mary K. Doyle. She understands all too well the ups and downs of the Alzheimer’s caregiver.
Alzheimer’s: Remembering My Momma
I would be honored if you would take a moment to read this in remembrance of this grace-filled and incredibly special woman, Charlotte Louise Peet Boyles.
On a beautiful Sunday morning four years ago today, my sweet Momma quietly took her last breath on this side of Glory. All at once, the cares of this world and the frailties of body and mind disappeared as she met her dear Lord and Savior.
5 Years Ago
We’re back from our Hawaiian adventure with Mia. What a grand adventure.
Now I am settling back into the comfort of life’s routine. Sleeping in my own bed with my favorite pillow. Spending Sunday with our church family. Doing laundry in my own washing machine and not having to put $7.00 worth of quarters into the machine for each load!
Today I slept in until my body woke me up….and was almost late for work. It brought me joy being in BeeHive’s kitchen baking up treats for our residents again (many thanks to Karen who filled in for me while I was away).
In the midst of my baking joy, my heart remembered that my journey with BeeHive began 5 years ago today. March 25, 2019 was the day I accepted the help of BeeHive in caring for my mother in her journey Home with Alzheimer’s.
Facebook confirmed that memory with two reminisce posts. Many of my friends and family were praying as I moved Momma out of my home and into her new bedroom at BeeHive. We arrived just in time for lunch. While mom and I ate lunch, Wayne and Beth moved mom’s things into her new room, setting it up much like her bedroom in my home. After lunch, I walked mom into her new space and she settled right in and was soon napping.
I sat in her room watching her sleep for a bit, then met with Gina to go over some move-in details. When we were finished, I was not quite sure what to do with myself. I wrote about that here…
Momma would live here for the last 14 months of her sojourn on earth. Here she would be loved and cared for with the level of care I could not provide. She had friends around her, good food, fun activities, someone to help her every hour of the day or night, and someone to help her to shower (something I couldn’t offer her at my house).
Placing her in assisted living memory care was a hard decision. And the right decision.
Thank you, BeeHive!
A Prayer for Grace
Just reminding myself of a little something my sweet momma wrote on this day back in 2016. Click on the link below to read what she wrote. May it bless your heart as much as it does mine.
It brings me joy when I find a little prayerful note written in my mother’s handwriting. Seeing what was on her heart and mind at certain times of …
A Prayer for Grace
Addressing Common Environmental Triggers in Dementia Care
I have three reasons why I would make this excellent article required reading for anyone even remotely involved in dementia care:
- My mother had Alzheimer’s. I wish I would have been able to read this while I was caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s.
- My mom lived in assisted living memory care for the last year of her life. She received fantastic care, but this would have been very helpful training for her caregivers.
- My brother has vascular dementia and currently lives in a skilled nursing facility (a nursing home). I wish that everyone who works there would read this–it would be so helpful.
Birthday Blessings
It’s January 17, 2024 and today would have been my sweet Momma’s 90th birthday. It’s nearly midnight and sleep has not yet come to my weary eyes, so I decided I would not let this day pass without taking a moment to acknowledge the great blessing God gave me in this lovely woman.
The last birthday I celebrated with her was her 86th. Mom didn’t participate much in the celebration. There was a delicious cake, a bouquet of flowers, a few gifts to unwrap, and cute birthday balloons. But Alzheimer’s had already taken away her ability to understand what the joyous fuss was about. She enjoyed eating the cake I made her, so that blessed my heart.
While I cannot bake her another cake today, I can stop and thank God for blessing this world with Charlotte Louise Peet Boyles–the woman I would call Momma.
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Proverbs 31:30-31
A-Z Caregiving Tips (R-S)
Time to revisit my little series of A-Z Caregiving Tips. The photo below is the article which inspired me to make my own A-to-Z list. Let me pick up where I left off and invite you to join me this week for R and S.
Repeat gently, looking toward me if I miss hearing something.
One thing we caregivers do a lot is repeat ourselves. When our loved ones have trouble understanding what we say, it’s important to repeat things. It’s also important to communicate in a way that includes facial expressions, which provide important information for our loved ones. Because my mom was also very hard of hearing, she relied even more heavily on my facial expressions.
The person who has dementia needs you to sit down on their level, look them in the eyes with all gentleness as you speak. I say “gentleness” because it is very easy to have a look of annoyance or irritation when you feel like you’re repeating something for the umpteenth time. Caregivers must be aware that the non-verbal messages we communicate with our body language and facial expressions speak louder than the actual words we speak.
Facial expressions can be difficult for people with hearing problems to understand when we’re moving. Think about how often we call out to someone in another room during the day. Or when we talk to someone in passing as we’re busy with other things. If you’d like more information on this topic, click here for another great resource.
(With all respect to the original author of this list, I didn’t quite see how standing up for the environment relates to caregiving, so let me proffer my own version of the letter S.)
Step back and take a break.
Being a caregiver can be very stressful. I often felt overwhelmed while taking care of my mom. During those moments, I had to take a step back and take a break from all the pressure. For me, that meant leaving my mom with my husband for an hour or two so I could go to the gym. Sometimes he called me back home, but most of the time, I was able to enjoy some time for myself and relax.
It bothers me when I hear caregivers lament that they have no one to help them. I know that it is too often the case; but more often than not, the reality of the situation is that they (we) are afraid to ask for help–or reticent to accept help when it is offered.
I believed I was the best person to take care of my mom, but I also realized that I wasn’t the only one who could do it. It was important for my well-being to take a little break sometimes. I would reach out to our church’s private Facebook page and ask for someone to spend time with my mom for a few hours so I could do something else. Most of the time, someone was willing to help.
There were times when a friend would say something like, “Hey, my daughter and I would like to stop by on Monday to color with your mom. What time would be good for you?”
I learned two important lessons: Ask for help, and never refuse an offer of help.
Barefoot Lily Lady 