Alzheimer’s – Page 2 – Barefoot Lily Lady

A-Z Caregiving Tips (R-S)

Time to revisit my little series of A-Z Caregiving Tips. The photo below is the article which inspired me to make my own A-to-Z list. Let me pick up where I left off and invite you to join me this week for R and S.

Repeat gently, looking toward me if I miss hearing something.

One thing we caregivers do a lot is repeat ourselves. When our loved ones have trouble understanding what we say, it’s important to repeat things. It’s also important to communicate in a way that includes facial expressions, which provide important information for our loved ones. Because my mom was also very hard of hearing, she relied even more heavily on my facial expressions.

The person who has dementia needs you to sit down on their level, look them in the eyes with all gentleness as you speak. I say “gentleness” because it is very easy to have a look of annoyance or irritation when you feel like you’re repeating something for the umpteenth time. Caregivers must be aware that the non-verbal messages we communicate with our body language and facial expressions speak louder than the actual words we speak.

Facial expressions can be difficult for people with hearing problems to understand when we’re moving. Think about how often we call out to someone in another room during the day. Or when we talk to someone in passing as we’re busy with other things. If you’d like more information on this topic, click here for another great resource.

(With all respect to the original author of this list, I didn’t quite see how standing up for the environment relates to caregiving, so let me proffer my own version of the letter S.)

Step back and take a break.

Being a caregiver can be very stressful. I often felt overwhelmed while taking care of my mom. During those moments, I had to take a step back and take a break from all the pressure. For me, that meant leaving my mom with my husband for an hour or two so I could go to the gym. Sometimes he called me back home, but most of the time, I was able to enjoy some time for myself and relax.

It bothers me when I hear caregivers lament that they have no one to help them. I know that it is too often the case; but more often than not, the reality of the situation is that they (we) are afraid to ask for help–or reticent to accept help when it is offered.

I believed I was the best person to take care of my mom, but I also realized that I wasn’t the only one who could do it. It was important for my well-being to take a little break sometimes. I would reach out to our church’s private Facebook page and ask for someone to spend time with my mom for a few hours so I could do something else. Most of the time, someone was willing to help.

There were times when a friend would say something like, “Hey, my daughter and I would like to stop by on Monday to color with your mom. What time would be good for you?”

I learned two important lessons: Ask for help, and never refuse an offer of help.

By God’s Grace and for His Glory

A sweet friend and aspiring blogger once asked me to guest write on her fledgling blog. I was happy to do so, as I was trying to get my own blogging endeavor off the ground and thought exposure to someone else’s audience might be helpful. As we all know, life doesn’t always follow our plans. God had other plans. My friend’s life filled up with the other good things God had planned for her life, and the blogging endeavor went by the wayside.

I almost deleted the article I wrote as a guest, because it remained unpublished in my draft folder for years. Before hitting “delete,” I re-read it and decided to hit “publish” before another year passes. It is my hope that this post will encourage another caregiver. I hope they find that no matter where life leads us, with God’s assistance, we can live by God’s grace and for His glory.

Considering Assisted Living?

If you are a caregiver for a loved one with dementia (or some other form of life-altering illness), there may come a day when you realize you need to consider other options for providing the best care. Perhaps the post that follows will be helpful as you wrestle with that important decision.

Baking at the Hive: Brown Sugar Crumb Cake

I typically bake at BeeHive Assisted Living and Memory Care on Mondays and Thursdays. I don’t like tantalizing people with the aroma of fresh baked goods and then saying, “Sorry, that’s for tomorrow.” So, Monday is my coffee cake day and Thursday is the day for fresh from the oven baked cookies.

I have developed a general 4-week plan, so many desserts repeat every 4 weeks, rarely repeating a particular dessert during that time. It’s SO fun. Today, I’m going to share the recipe for Brown Sugar Crumb Cake.

My copy of the recipe — my scribbles and all.

I’d like to give a shoutout and huge word of thanks to Shelly Jaronsky. I found Shelly’s recipe via Pinterest on her sweet website Cookies and Cups. I encourage you to check out the other yummy recipes on her site too. If you’d like to print your own copy of this brown sugar amazingness, just click here.

Shelly’s recipe description of this cake says it all:

The ULTIMATE Crumb Cake Recipe!! Brown Sugar Crumb Cake is a brown sugar twist on your usual coffee cake! It’s a rich and soft brown sugar cake topped with a thick layer of brown sugar crumbs AND a brown sugar icing!

Coffee cake batter

I’m baking for 32 people, so make two 9×13″ pans of this recipe. I double the cake batter recipe, substituting sour cream for the Greek yogurt. I generally use light brown sugar; but, if I happen to have dark brown sugar, I use half dark and half light. I’m also very generous with vanilla extract, adding an extra teaspoon. A big scoop helps me distribute the double batch of batter evenly between the two pans.

Brown Sugar Streusel

A double recipe of this brown sugar streusel deliciousness would be amazing, but a single recipe will amply cover both coffee cakes with crumbs. For the best crumb, make sure your butter is cold. I use a bench scraper to slice each stick lengthwise, then cut into small cubes. A pastry cutter works beautifully in the task of cutting the butter into the sugar/flour mixture. It’s ready when you can lightly squeeze a handful of the crumbs and they hold together.

Bake these at 350 for 25-30 minutes, or until it tests done. It might need a few extra minutes, but be careful you don’t overbake it. While it’s baking, make up a batch of the Caramel Topping.

Caramel Topping

You can go ahead and make a double batch, but as with the streusel, I find that a single batch of the caramel topping is enough to generously drizzle over both cakes while they are still warm.

It’s always a good sign when it gets real quiet in our dining room when dessert is served. That means the dessert is being enjoyed. There are smiles all around and a few thumbs up from happy diners.

A Gardener’s Quiet Nod to Alzheimer’s Awareness

I walked alongside my mother in the part of her life where Alzheimer’s dementia was her daily companion. I’m grateful for that time spent with her and learned so much as we traveled those years together.

She’s been enjoying heaven for three years now —freed from the bondage of failing mind and body. In these three years, I’m gradually learning to enjoy the freedom to spend moments (more like hours) of joy playing in the dirt in my garden.

If you were to visit my garden (and I hope you will), you might notice little splashes of purple objects d’art sprinkled throughout the flowerbeds. Second-hand curtain and drapery rods, trellises, and various chairs have all taken on a coat or two of purple spray paint.

Why purple? It’s both in memory of my mother (who loved that color), and also my quiet nod to Alzheimer’s awareness.

A Week of Flowers – Day #2

I’m joining Cathy at Words and Herbs for her annual ‘A Week of Flowers’ meme. It’s Day #2 and I’m happy to take you on a little reminisce of some pretty spring and early summer days in my garden. Let me introduce you to a few of my favorite peonies.

Crying Hearts

Rewind of a Facebook Note written sometime in 2015

I made Momma cry today.

Somewhere near the intersection of my trying to be helpful and Momma’s trying to remember, she snapped at me, shooed me away with the wave of her hand, blurting, “Get out of here! Leave me alone! Let me just try to think about one thing at a time!”

With more hurt and frustration in my voice than I intended, I retorted, “Alright Momma, I’ll leave you alone!” Retreating to the solitude of my former bedroom, I felt the door slam behind me, hot tears stinging my eyes, ready to gush at a moment’s notice. I really wanted to throw myself on my bed, bury my face in my pillow, scream and bawl, then drift off to sleep, leaving the nightmare of Mom’s advancing memory loss behind.

Mom in her favorite chair–surrounded by great-grandkid love (circa 2012)

Instead, I stood there in the middle of the room and cried out to God. I was only in prayer for a minute or two, maybe even only a few seconds of time. But in that small measure of time, I felt God’s presence. He was speaking to me. Not in an audible voice, but in that place in the very core of your being where all of life’s decisions are made and emotions are felt. That place where you love. The heart.

God was reminding me He was there and that we would get through this together.

Gingerly opening my bedroom door and peeking down the hall, I spied my sweet Momma at the other end of the hall. She was right where I left her minutes ago, sitting in her favorite chair in the living room, quietly dabbing away her tears of confusion with great big wads of tissue.

Humbled in heart and quieted by the Spirit, I went to Momma, knelt in front of her, then wrapped her in my arms and said, “I’m so sorry, Momma.” My sweet mom put her arms around my neck in a motherly hug and laid her tearful, trying-to-remember weary head on my shoulder.

“Momma, Jesus will help us through this.”

“I know. I know,” acknowledged Momma with gentle, reassuring pats on my back.

A New Full-Sun Flowerbed

One major item that has been near the top of my list for several years now has been to cut down two diseased and unsightly spruce trees in our front yard. I was out pulling weeds one day earlier this summer and noticed there were tree trimmers working in the neighborhood, so mentioned it to my hubby. He surprised me by immediately walking down the street and engaging in conversation with a young man on the crew–the son of the owner of the company. A few minutes later, they came for a look-see and before I knew it we had a contract and the trees were felled by the end of the day.

Now that the spruces are down, we have a brand new full-sun garden space, and I am enjoying choosing what to plant in that space. First order of business, however, was to deal with the weeds that had gotten a foothold underneath the spruces. We also needed to relocate some of the shade-loving hostas to a more wooded location in the backyard. For the most part, I’m able to divide some of my existing sun-lovers from other flowerbeds, so I moved in a few daylilies and a trio of Allium ‘Millenium,’ an ornamental flowering onion that literally blooms all summer long.

Even with this good start, this new flowerbed was the perfect excuse for a trip to our local garden center. I knew I wanted to add a flowering tree, so Monrovia’s Magnolia ‘Elizabeth’ now graces that flowerbed. I look forward to its giant, tulip-shaped, creamy yellow blossoms in the next year or two. I’m also quite in love with hydrangeas these days, so two of them hopped in my shopping cart and now anchor the front side of this flowerbed (I really wish I had bought a third).

Inspired by Butch and Pam over at Everyday Living, whose annual plethora of gorgeous zinnia photos caused great envy, I planted more than my usual packet or two of zinnia seeds this year. My husband bought a big canister of Renee’s Garden heirloom zinnia seeds for me while we were on vacation in June. I lost no time in scattering the seed when we returned home. Wowzers! They did not disappoint. Look at all that amazing color!

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that my sweet mother passed away in 2020 after a valiant battle with Alzheimer’s. You might spot two of her blue flowerpots in the photo above. Those flowerpots sat on the front porch of our family home for several years. When dementia took its toll, I moved her to live closer to me, bringing those blue flowerpots along as a connection point to her past. Oh, the stories she told about those pots! I planted some annual ‘Hawaiian Punch’ hibiscus in them this year and set them toward the front half of the new flowerbed. I think mom would have approved.

Rewind: The Love of a Grandchild

My granddaughter Violet is serving the Lord as a counselor at Camp Fairwood this summer, as she did last year. The three years prior to that, she served on the kitchen staff. She loves it, as did I when I was on the staff as a teenager many moons ago. It blesses my heart knowing she is walking by faith and serving her Savior each summer. But, I do miss her.

Violet is the grandkid who was very prolific in writing sweet notes to me throughout her growing up years. I kept some of them in the places she hid them, just so I can enjoy stumbling upon them from time to time. They always bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart. I’ve saved all of the other notes in a big glass brandy snifter, including the little notes from the story I am reposting below.

Go ahead. Write a note to someone you love. I promise you’ll make their day.

To: Mrs. Grandma Cynthia