Tuesday’s Caregiver Tip: Busy Mind

Sleeping through the night is the goal of every caregiver of a loved one with Alzheimer’s. To increase the chances that my mother will sleep at night (and that I will too), one of my challenges as a caregiver is to keep her awake and occupied during “normal” waking hours.

Let me share a few of the things which I have found helpful in my caregiving journey.

Coloring – I have written briefly about the joy of coloring in the post “Tuesday’s Tip: Adult Coloring Books,”but would like to elaborate a bit. At first introduction to coloring, Momma didn’t want a thing to do with it. We bought a few “adult coloring books” and a set of colored pencils and hoped she would enjoy spending a little time coloring and less time sleeping. We had a paid caregiver who came on Friday nights and another who came on Sunday mornings. Each of these ladies enjoyed coloring, so they would get out their own coloring stuff and color, and soon Momma took interest and would join them. She’s actually quite good at it.

Handmade coloring cards Momma receives each week from her friend (and ours) Suzy. Each card has a special Bible verse printed within. These special cards are treasured and carried around at all times in Momma’s purse.
Thornton’s Art Supply Premier Premium 150-Piece Artist Pencil Colored Pencil Drawing Sketching Set with Zippered Black Canvas Pencil Case

We soon bought her oodles of coloring books and this amazing colored pencil set. She would spend hours coloring, and even enjoyed sorting the colors in the case to her liking.

As her Alzheimer’s has progressed, her desire to color has diminished somewhat. She grows a bit frustrated by the super-detailed coloring pages she enjoyed at first, so we now purchase coloring books with bigger images and a little less detail. She has also gravitated over time to choosing just greens and yellows, so we keep her colored pencil case supplied with plenty of shades of green and yellow.

Puzzles – I’ve written about how much puzzles have been a blessing in our caregiving experience, first writing about it in a pre-blogging Facebook note titled, “Puzzled.” As with any other creative activity, if I ask Mom if she wants to do a puzzle, she’ll usually say an emphatic “No!” But, if I just sit down near her and start working on one, she’ll join the fun and will soon be pushing my hands away so she can work on it herself.

The church reminds her of the one where she was married in Anmoore, WV. Working this favorite 100-piece puzzle evokes memories and stories of her own wedding day. We put this one together several times a week – each time to her as if it were the first.

Not all puzzles are created equal when it comes to being friendly for those with cognitive or memory disorders, arthritic hands, or poor eye-sight. I am pretty impressed with puzzles by Springbok. Their puzzles are cheerfully bright and colorful and aren’t baby-ish. Puzzle pieces are larger and thicker than most puzzles, making it easier for elderly, shaky hands to handle.

My daughter captured this photo of her beloved grandma being too busy working a puzzle to even put her sandwich down between bites.

Bible and Devotional Reading – Momma is a woman of faith who loves the Lord Jesus with all of her heart. It warms my heart to hear her talking with Him in prayer throughout the day and the night. Several of her well-marked Bibles will attest to the fact that she was a faithful student of the Word of God. Sadly, Alzheimer’s makes reading for understanding very difficult and Momma no longer reads her Bible like she used to do so faithfully. How thankful I am to know that even when she can no longer read, the Word of God stored up and treasured in her heart will still speak to her and bring her comfort.

I am thankful Mom can still read. On good days, she enjoys paging through one of her old study Bibles and re-reading notes she has written in the margins. and verses she has marked.

Mom was always a voracious reader, but can now only read small bits with understanding, and she may read and re-read the same page for an hour. Devotional books are perfect, as each daily devotional is only a page or two in length, succinct in thought, and features just one or two verses from God’s Word. I make sure she has several devotional books to choose from whenever she feels like reading a bit.

Fellow Caregivers, let’s hear your ideas too! EnCOURAGE one another daily!

 

Wednesday’s Proverb – Friends are not Facebook Visitors — Know Your Flocks & Herds

A godly perspective on friends and wealth (written by my friend and husband, Wayne).

Friends are not Facebook Visitors Proverbs 19:4 (ESV) “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend.” I have a friend that predates Facebook. He is not just a visitor to my FB page. In fact, he cannot even use a phone anymore due to his current limitations. However, when […]

via Wednesday’s Proverb – Friends are not Facebook Visitors — Know Your Flocks & Herds

Tuesday’s Caregiver Tip: Busy Hands

One of the biggest challenges of every caregiver is keeping their loved one occupied, feeling productive and useful. I would like to share three things we have discovered my mother enjoys.

Mom’s knees aren’t real stable, so standing for any length of time is difficult. Though I could do the job faster myself, it helps her feel productive if I allow her to dry dishes for us. We set out a towel at the kitchen table, then put the dish rack on top. She has fun sorting, matching and stacking the dishes and flatware as she dries. Mom is very thorough – even drying the dish drainer when she is finished.

Drying Dishes

Someday I would love to make a quilt. My Pinterest board, Quilty Crafty Ideas,  attests to the fact that I’m particularly drawn to scrappy-looking quilts. One day I lugged my sewing machine upstairs from my basement sewing room to the kitchen table so I could keep an eye on Momma and enjoy sewing for a few hours. As I sewed scrappy squares together in pairs for a future project, I discovered quite by accident that my mom enjoyed playing with my fabric squares. I gave her a small pair of scissors and let her snip the threads which connected the pairs. She was happy and content for the entire afternoon.

Sorting fabric squares for quilting

I have a nice little button collection. My grandchildren love to have me dump them out on the living room floor and we can while away an hour or more playing sorting games and choosing favorites. It dawned on me that mom might also enjoy this tactile sensory activity too. I dumped them on a big tea-towel on the kitchen table and mom spent about 3 hours playing with them. I gave her a bunch of little dishes and she sorted them into color families. Sometimes she would look for buttons she particularly liked and then line them up all in a row. Occasionally she would see one that brought back a memory, such as the black buttons that she thought used to be on one of her coats. Button sorting has become a regular activity.

Sorting Buttons

I’d love to read about your activity ideas too. Please do share your favorite activity in the comment section below.

Caregivers, be encouraged to try something new and keep pressing on!

 

Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

Sometimes my Momma gets up during the middle of the night and wanders around in her room – typical “sundowning” activity. From my comfy bed, I can keep an eye on her via camera on the monitor I keep on the nightstand. I’ll sleepily watch as she opens and closes drawers, switches the contents of one drawer to another, fiddles with knobs, looks through books and photo albums, and arranges and rearranges things in her purse. Once she is satisfied all is right in her world, she’ll generally go back to bed on her own and I can go back to sleep knowing she is safe. That having been said, if I see her walker on the left side instead of the right side of her bed, I’ll sneak down after she has drifted off to sleep and quietly switch it (and her shoes) over to the opposite side of the bed.

img_1028-1The familiar idiom, “waking up on the wrong side of the bed” usually refers to someone having a bad day right from the start. In Momma’s world of Alzheimer’s, it is entirely possible to very literally “wake up on the wrong side of the bed.” It’s interesting how a seemingly teeny difference of throwing her legs over the opposite side of the bed when she awakens will cause her day to begin awry.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she sees a different view and doesn’t know where she is at all, and will often cry out, “Where on EARTH am I?”

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she won’t know where her shoes are. She’ll fuss and fret and say repeatedly, “Where are my shoes? Who took my shoes?”

img_4948
A very important door to be able to find.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she will have great difficulty finding her way to the bathroom situated just a few steps away from her bed. Instead of being down the little hallway right in front of her, she’ll have to walk those extra steps around the end of her bed, causing her extra discomfort and pain in her already painful feet and knees, which definitely increases her risk of falling.

Moving her walker to the ‘right side’ of the bed is a very small kindness I can do to make her daily journey with Alzheimer’s a little more familiar, navigable, and comforting.

What small acts of kindness make your loved one’s world a little easier? Please do share in the comments section.

Tuesday’s Tip: Adult Coloring Books

Keeping loved ones with dementia disorders such as Alzheimer’s engaged during the hours when you’d like them to be awake is a key to combating the dreaded, but all too common disorder called Sundowner’s Syndrome. Sleep is vital, not only for our loved one, but for those of us who provide their care.

My mother never seemed to develop a traditional hobby. Following her retirement from nursing, she tried her hand at cross-stitch and dabbled with making earrings, but “crafting” just wasn’t her thing. Our family wasn’t much for sitting around the kitchen table playing cards, working puzzles, or coloring either.

Every inch of dirt had flowers

My Mom took over gardening duties when Dad was in his final battle with cancer. I’d say she was a natural at gardening, enjoying spending time “scootching around” on the ground tending her plants and actually enJOYing pulling weeds. Nearly every inch of dirt seemed to burst forth with floral splendor. When we found it necessary to move her out of her home and into a senior apartment, we brought along her favorite blue pots so she could enjoy tending a few of her favorite flowers on her little patio.

Mom’s Little Patio Garden and her blue pots

But, her favorite past-time by far was serving God by serving people. One of the hardest things about her journey with Alzheimer’s was watching her having to give up her various ministries and activities. One by one, as her driving became limited, so did her opportunities to serve. As her knees and arthritic hands gave out on her, the desire to garden fell away. When her memory faded, so did her ability to have meaningful relationships with her friends. Faded memories were slowly replaced by compulsive behaviors common to those with dementia. Pacing back and forth. Rummaging through drawers and closets. Sorting through her purse. It soon became evident that we needed to introduce something enjoyable so that we could redirect her attention from these compulsive behaviors to something encouraging.

Kitchen Table Coloring Session

We ordered a few coloring books; at first she didn’t have much of an interest. So I would sit at the dining table and color in her books. Sooner or later, out of curiosity, she would join me. Before long, she was coloring on her own. Now, when children come to visit, she loves to have them color with her and will oftentimes take on the role of “coloring teacher” as she instructs her students on the finer points of choosing the appropriate colors, staying within the lines, and shading and outlining.

The gardener in her loves flowers and butterflies, so many of her coloring books feature a plenitude of these these creatures. Because Momma is a woman of faith, we have found that coloring books with Bible verses are especially meaningful to her. [For a link to one of her favorites, click here.]

Thornton’s Art Supply Premier Premium 150-Piece Artist Pencil Colored Pencil Drawing Sketching Set

Wayne bought her this lovely set of Thornton’s colored pencils in a zippered binder-type case. It was a game-changer! For some reason, she is partial to greens and yellows when coloring, but she loves sorting the many pencils in this case. If you should stop by for a visit, you can also be sure that she will take great delight in offering its colors within and an invitation to sit down and color with her.

This Tuesday’s Caregiving Tip: To calm, encourage and distract the anxious Alzheimer’s mind, try coloring.

Little Things

After lunch today Momma asked me to trim her fingernails. I had been refused several times lately when it had been my suggestion. Today it was hers, so I dropped what I was doing and took care of that request.

As she happily admired her shorter nails, I asked if I could please wash her hair.

“Again? You want to wash it again,” she mildly retorted.

Now that her hair is growing longer, she enjoys twirling the ends around her fingertips, adding a little 60’s flip to her hairdo. So I countered, “Yes, it has been awhile and you’re losing your pretty curls.”

It worked. A few minutes later she was humming a contented tune while I was blow drying her pretty silver locks.

Today I’m thankful that this little thing made her happy for this little moment in time.

Tuesday’s Caregiving Tip: Accept Help

My hubby has been gone for ten days on a short-term mission trip in Dehra Dun, India. Ten days. I know, in the greater scheme of things, that’s not very long. If all goes well with travel plans, he should be pulling in the driveway in time for lunch today. His absence has made me keenly aware of all the little things he does for me that make it possible for me to care for my mom in our home. I am blessed and grateful.

More than ever, in the time that he has been away, I have also discovered how very blessed I am with friends and family. They’ve helped me clean my house, mow my lawn, and brought me dinner and companionship. These beautiful people have spent a little time with my mom so I could go to the gym, grocery shop, run a few errands, work in my garden, celebrate my birthday with my family, or take an unhurried bath. After a Facebook post about my sleepless nights, a couple of friends carved time out of their busy lives to take care of mom for a few hours, allowing me time to take a nap. One sweet friend even spent the night so I would be assured of at least one night of uninterrupted sleep.

We caregivers are made of some pretty strong stuff. But, sometimes, some of what appears to be “strength” is just a facade – a false wall of competence that gives others the impression that we’ve got it all together and that we don’t need any help. That facade is a form of pride which causes us to struggle to accept help when it is offered.

I have been hesitant to hit the “publish” button on this blog post, because I realize many of my fellow caregivers struggle with finding people to support them and give them a little respite. My heart goes out to you. As I pull my thoughts together into words to write, I am praying that God will bring into your life people who can help.

I think it is safe to say that most caregivers have heard someone say, “How can I help?” Or perhaps it sounded more like, “If there’s ever anything I can do to help, just give me a call.” This little missive is primarily written for you.  I must admit, I have heard myself reply on far too many occasions, “No, thanks. I’m okay. But, thanks for offering.”

Here’s my tip – If someone offers to help, never turn them away. Don’t put off saying “yes” for a time when you really need it. You really need it now.

I would love to hear how some of you have been helped as a caregiver, or given help as a friend. Please share your ideas and thoughts in the comments below.