Caregiver – Barefoot Lily Lady

Momma’s Prayers

Momma lived out her last years with Alzheimer’s. As her primary caregiver, I was honored to be an eyewitness to her faithful walk with the Lord, even as memories slipped away and her body failed her. I loved to hear her pray. May the Lord bless each of my readers with the grace to live life in the hard places like my momma.

A Message from an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

I am pleased to share this relatable post written by Mary K. Doyle. She understands all too well the ups and downs of the Alzheimer’s caregiver.

The Alzheimer’s Caregiver

5 Years Ago

We’re back from our Hawaiian adventure with Mia. What a grand adventure.

Now I am settling back into the comfort of life’s routine. Sleeping in my own bed with my favorite pillow. Spending Sunday with our church family. Doing laundry in my own washing machine and not having to put $7.00 worth of quarters into the machine for each load!

Today I slept in until my body woke me up….and was almost late for work. It brought me joy being in BeeHive’s kitchen baking up treats for our residents again (many thanks to Karen who filled in for me while I was away).

In the midst of my baking joy, my heart remembered that my journey with BeeHive began 5 years ago today. March 25, 2019 was the day I accepted the help of BeeHive in caring for my mother in her journey Home with Alzheimer’s.

Facebook confirmed that memory with two reminisce posts. Many of my friends and family were praying as I moved Momma out of my home and into her new bedroom at BeeHive. We arrived just in time for lunch. While mom and I ate lunch, Wayne and Beth moved mom’s things into her new room, setting it up much like her bedroom in my home. After lunch, I walked mom into her new space and she settled right in and was soon napping.

I sat in her room watching her sleep for a bit, then met with Gina to go over some move-in details. When we were finished, I was not quite sure what to do with myself. I wrote about that here…

Momma would live here for the last 14 months of her sojourn on earth. Here she would be loved and cared for with the level of care I could not provide. She had friends around her, good food, fun activities, someone to help her every hour of the day or night, and someone to help her to shower (something I couldn’t offer her at my house).

Placing her in assisted living memory care was a hard decision. And the right decision.

Thank you, BeeHive!

A Prayer for Grace

Just reminding myself of a little something my sweet momma wrote on this day back in 2016. Click on the link below to read what she wrote. May it bless your heart as much as it does mine.

It brings me joy when I find a little prayerful note written in my mother’s handwriting. Seeing what was on her heart and mind at certain times of …
A Prayer for Grace

Addressing Common Environmental Triggers in Dementia Care

I have three reasons why I would make this excellent article required reading for anyone even remotely involved in dementia care:

My mother had Alzheimer’s. I wish I would have been able to read this while I was caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s.
My mom lived in assisted living memory care for the last year of her life. She received fantastic care, but this would have been very helpful training for her caregivers.
My brother has vascular dementia and currently lives in a skilled nursing facility (a nursing home). I wish that everyone who works there would read this–it would be so helpful.

Environmental Triggers and Dementia

Birthday Blessings

It’s January 17, 2024 and today would have been my sweet Momma’s 90th birthday. It’s nearly midnight and sleep has not yet come to my weary eyes, so I decided I would not let this day pass without taking a moment to acknowledge the great blessing God gave me in this lovely woman.

The last birthday I celebrated with her was her 86th. Mom didn’t participate much in the celebration. There was a delicious cake, a bouquet of flowers, a few gifts to unwrap, and cute birthday balloons. But Alzheimer’s had already taken away her ability to understand what the joyous fuss was about. She enjoyed eating the cake I made her, so that blessed my heart.

While I cannot bake her another cake today, I can stop and thank God for blessing this world with Charlotte Louise Peet Boyles–the woman I would call Momma.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Proverbs 31:30-31

A-Z Caregiving Tips (R-S)

Time to revisit my little series of A-Z Caregiving Tips. The photo below is the article which inspired me to make my own A-to-Z list. Let me pick up where I left off and invite you to join me this week for R and S.

Repeat gently, looking toward me if I miss hearing something.

One thing we caregivers do a lot is repeat ourselves. When our loved ones have trouble understanding what we say, it’s important to repeat things. It’s also important to communicate in a way that includes facial expressions, which provide important information for our loved ones. Because my mom was also very hard of hearing, she relied even more heavily on my facial expressions.

The person who has dementia needs you to sit down on their level, look them in the eyes with all gentleness as you speak. I say “gentleness” because it is very easy to have a look of annoyance or irritation when you feel like you’re repeating something for the umpteenth time. Caregivers must be aware that the non-verbal messages we communicate with our body language and facial expressions speak louder than the actual words we speak.

Facial expressions can be difficult for people with hearing problems to understand when we’re moving. Think about how often we call out to someone in another room during the day. Or when we talk to someone in passing as we’re busy with other things. If you’d like more information on this topic, click here for another great resource.

(With all respect to the original author of this list, I didn’t quite see how standing up for the environment relates to caregiving, so let me proffer my own version of the letter S.)

Step back and take a break.

Being a caregiver can be very stressful. I often felt overwhelmed while taking care of my mom. During those moments, I had to take a step back and take a break from all the pressure. For me, that meant leaving my mom with my husband for an hour or two so I could go to the gym. Sometimes he called me back home, but most of the time, I was able to enjoy some time for myself and relax.

It bothers me when I hear caregivers lament that they have no one to help them. I know that it is too often the case; but more often than not, the reality of the situation is that they (we) are afraid to ask for help–or reticent to accept help when it is offered.

I believed I was the best person to take care of my mom, but I also realized that I wasn’t the only one who could do it. It was important for my well-being to take a little break sometimes. I would reach out to our church’s private Facebook page and ask for someone to spend time with my mom for a few hours so I could do something else. Most of the time, someone was willing to help.

There were times when a friend would say something like, “Hey, my daughter and I would like to stop by on Monday to color with your mom. What time would be good for you?”

I learned two important lessons: Ask for help, and never refuse an offer of help.

Considering Assisted Living?

If you are a caregiver for a loved one with dementia (or some other form of life-altering illness), there may come a day when you realize you need to consider other options for providing the best care. Perhaps the post that follows will be helpful as you wrestle with that important decision.

How Big is this Problem? Part 2

I just came from the post office and feel like I need to share an update related to the bumpy road of paperwork related to redetermining my brother’s Medicaid status. In my last post, I shared that I felt somewhat alone in the task of coming up with answers to the who, what, when, why and where questions on the lengthy MADR form (Medicaid Disability Redetermination Report).