Encounters with Grace

Encounters with Grace

Saturday, November 25, 2018

In his sermon last Sunday, our pastor reminded his congregation that it is easy to miss the beauty of God’s grace in our every day lives. We are so accustomed to receiving his daily gifts and benefits we often grow blind to His goodness and loving kindness toward us. Pastor Jeremy challenged us to watch for ways God demonstrates His abundant grace toward us. To do this, he gave us an assignment asking us to take out a sheet of paper and list 20 things God has given us that we do not deserve.

I’ve been watching and taking notice this week – here’s my list with a little bit of explanation on each.  

 

  1. My copy of God’s Word – with real pages I can turn and plenty of room in the margins to jot special notes. By God’s grace, my granddaughter Violet loves God’s Word and has the same Bible.

    Our matching Bibles
  2. The Grace of Family. Growing up in a family who lived several states away from our kinfolk, I recognize full well the grace of having my family close.
  3. Veiled grace. Our friends had their baby on Thanksgiving Day. My first thought was, “Oh no!” Their wee girl wasn’t due to make her debut until February. While ‘Baby K’ was more than a mite too early, she arrived on the day that was just right on God’s timetable. By His grace, she weighed 2lb 14oz – a good weight for a babe who arrived much too early. Also by His grace, she was delivered by emergency cesarean in a hospital equipped to handle the very special needs of Baby K and her mommy. A careful look at the circumstances surrounding Baby K’s arrival reveal God’s veiled grace in everything.
  4. Grace for Rough Days. Momma struggles with the little things in life. Just getting out of bed is rough. Walking hurts. Underwear are disposable, and for good reason. Sleep comes…eventually, and not always when everyone else wants to sleep. Grace for rough days comes in many forms – usually shaped like people who care.
  5. Hugs. If grace could be measured in a currency of hugs from grandkids, I’m one very wealthy woman.
  6. Testimonies of God’s Grace. We attended a Thanksgiving Eve Service at Wildwood Church where our son serves as an elder and missions pastor. It was a blessing to sing favorite hymns together with brothers and sisters in Christ we were meeting for the first time. We listened, sometimes with a laugh, other times with tears in our eyes as members of this congregation shared their testimonies of God’s grace in their lives.
  7. Grace in having a furnace to keep our house warm. Our thermostat is set at 72 – mostly because my mom is always cold. My body must have grown used to her temperature preference; at times, I felt a bit too cold at my son Matt’s house where it was 63 degrees. Then my mind recalls my husband’s recent trip to India where he discovered winter temps can fall into the 30’s at night. Many folks there don’t have heat in their homes. Or insulated walls, windows and doors. Or a fireplace. I’m thankful for a warm house, socks for my usually bare feet, and money to pay our heating bill.
  8. Grace in owning a washing machine, a convenience totally foreign to many in the world. A blessing for the umpteen loads of wash in the week of a caregiver.
  9. Grace in laughter. A cheerful heart really IS good medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Yesterday, one grandson with especially infectious laughter was riding in the back seat of our car and his giggles blessed my heart.
  10. Grace in a Spirit Who prays for me. Sometimes I am so fatigued and emotional, or tired and discouraged. I don’t know how to put my needs into words in prayer. My gracious God knows what I need, and the Spirit of God dubs in the words my heart utters but my lips cannot speak.
  11. Me and my guy (Photo credit: Don Yantis)

    “This is Us” kind of Grace. When it feels as though my caregiving responsibilities are sucking the “us” out of our marriage, I am reminded that God gifted me with a husband whose generosity goes beyond material things. He lovingly supports me in this decision to care for my mom in our home by unbegrudgingly giving of his own time while I give of mine.

  12. Grace notes. Musical ‘grace notes’ are tiny ornaments decorating a musical piece with beauty. I’m blessed with three granddaughters who love to leave little surprise notes for me to discover as I go about my day. I call them my grace notes. I don’t deserve granddaughters who love me like that, but God blessed me with them and I am SO grateful.
  13. Grace in the ability to hear and enjoy music. Momma lives in a rather silent world. Oh, how I wish she could hear the beautiful music I heard this week. Two “hymn sings” in one week; lovely piano pieces played by special granddaughters; my daughter-in-law singing and humming to Christmas music while prepping food in the kitchen, to name a few. I found special joy in watching my daughter teach her daughter to line dance while my son-in-law sang a little boot-scootin’ country tune. I cannot imagine a world devoid of the grace of music.
  14. Grace in Technology. I confess, I really enjoy Facebook. Frustrating as I sometimes find my laptop and iPhone, the ability to see the faces of loved ones near and far gathered around their own Thanksgiving table is priceless.
  15. Diet Coke and Coffee. Enough said.
  16. God’s grace of comfort as I sleep. One of the missionaries we support shared a picture yesterday that made me realize how blessed I am to have a comfortable bed, an abundance of blankets, and pillows that are just right. His photo was a reminder to pray for refugees in Iraq whose city had been hard hit by recent heavy rains, drenching their dwellings and meager belongings. Lord, as I fluff and arrange my pillows at night, remind me to pray for those who have no place to lay their sleepy head tonight.
  17. God’s gracious gift of helpers. Momma’s Friday and Sunday caregivers, Kathryn and Kathi, are an amazing grace gift, allowing a bit of time away from caregiving each week. And I must not forget my friend Waldely, who helps keep my head above water (and dust) by helping me with housework.
  18. Amanda and Lisa. As my caregiving responsibilities grew, I contemplated stepping down from my church ministries, including teaching Sunday School. Then, just as Aaron and Hur came alongside Moses to hold up his weary arms, Amanda and Lisa stepped in to help me with teaching responsibilities. They are a gift of God’s grace in my life.
  19. Grace in a basket of warm, freshly dried laundry. Momma so relishes feeling useful…and handling warm laundry in need of folding brings her extra-special joy.
  20. Grace in the next generation. Tomorrow about 24 young faces will look up at me as we sing praises and learn more from God’s Word in Sunday School at Memorial Baptist Church – evidence of God’s grace continuing to the next generation.

Now, it’s time to flip my list over and start again. Would you join me in the comments below by sharing evidences of God’s grace in your life? One or two will do, but I’d encourage you to begin your own list too.

Thanksgiving and Old Photos

Our son Matt and his family are hosting our family’s Thanksgiving celebration this year. This is the second year they’ve hosted us in their splendid home set on the bluffs of the Mississippi River in Hampton, Illinois. I enjoy helping out in their spacious and well-appointed kitchen.

I am thankful my sister is hanging out with mom so Wayne and I can get away from the responsibilities of caregiving for a few days.

What a blessing. God bless her.

On Sunday my daughter mentioned she is bringing the pies…lots of pies. I hear there will be pumpkin, French Silk, and chocolate pecan. On Monday she stopped by my house to borrow a few extra pie plates and Tupperware pie carriers.

Lord, help me.

Knowing Beth will be the bearer of pies made me wonder what I would be bringing. Other than an email asking for my stuffing recipe, I hadn’t heard whether I should bring anything. I sent my son a text which read

Did I miss a memo on what to bring for Thanksgiving?

His reply –

Just yourselves! 🙂

Wow! Another life change happened when I wasn’t looking. Not cooking anything for Thanksgiving?

When did that happen?

Wasn’t it just yesterday that THIS happened?

I found these photos while working on a long overdue project of creating some family photo albums. Matt must have been 4 years old and Beth almost 2, so it must be 1981.

I love everything about these memory evoking photos. The teeny tiny kitchen in our first house on 49th Street. The hand-me-down kitchen table and chairs from my in-laws. The 1950’s wallpaper. The orange tiles on the kitchen floor. Our tiny refrigerator barely had room for the turkey to thaw.

At the corner of one photo I spied the shelving Wayne custom built for our itty-bitty kitchen. The shelf now has a couple of coats of blue paint on it and sits in a place of honor on our three-season porch holding memorabilia of years past. As I examine the photo below more carefully, I see on one shelf a turtle cookie jar (I used to collect turtles), which I have since passed along to my son.

Thirty-seven years later, I still use that very same turkey roasting pan…and the brown-striped kitchen towel!

I love Matt’s facial expression as he examined his messy little hand after helping stuff the turkey. I think we need to recreate this photo.

This helper will be preparing our Thanksgiving turkey this year.

And my little blonde sweetheart Beth! Look at the cherubic face of my little helper. Be still my heart!

My little helper now has four helpers of her own.

These old photos have taught me the importance of capturing images of special moments we have together as a family. Tomorrow we will have Matt and Beth and their families gathered together in one place.

And I will have a camera.

 

 

Five Minute Friday: ONE

It’s hard to believe in less than a week hubby and I will be gathered with our kids and their families celebrating Thanksgiving. I’m personally looking forward to time away from caregiving (thankful for my sister who will care for mom while we take a little break), time with my grandkids, a little uninterrupted sleep, good food cooked by my kids and a few of their kids with a little help from me (When did THAT happen? Used to be the other way around!), and everything else that goes with spending time with family reflecting on God’s goodness to all of us.

I’m linking up for the first time with Kate Motaung and the Five Minute Friday community. Five minutes of free write on a weekly word prompt.  Today’s word is one. Here’s the first thing that came to my mind.


Just ONE thing

I have so many things on my always growing “to-do list”. In my world of being a full-time caregiver for a mother with Alzheimer’s, there are days when I may as well throw my to-do list in the trash, as Momma’s needs trump my would-like-to-get-done checklist.

One thing has helped. Simply focusing on one thing at a time.

“One bucket of weeds” is doable. I can certainly grab a 5-gallon pail during one of mom’s catnaps and do a quick cleanup of one area of my garden. That one bucket often leads to two…or maybe even more.

“One load of laundry” is much more attainable than devoting an entire day to the job. It’s an on-going job that is never truly accomplished anyway…so just do ONE load now. The rest will follow.

Sometimes it does help to break my big job up into lots of little “ones”. Spending time in the garden is one of those things I love to do, but also one of the things that is HARD to do while taking care of my sweet Mom. But, truth be told, even on the worst of days, I can get ONE thing done if I create a few bite-size chunks.

  • Trim back the red peony and bag the leaves
  • Dig out the aggressive lamium
  • Divide the red iris
  • Plant a piece of the red iris on the other end of the flower bed
  • Trim back the clematis to 1 foot
  • Spread compost
  • Plant the tulip bulbs
  • Mulch
  • Repaint the birdhouse (a rainy day project)

Very few of those jobs take longer than 10 minutes to accomplish. A little here and a little there. One small bite at a time. Each little job accomplished leads to the satisfaction of being able to cross the big job off the list.

There you have it. My ONE contribution.

Now, I’m going to fold ONE load of laundry before a much needed night out with my ONE guy.

Tuesday’s Caregiver Tip: Busy Mind

Sleeping through the night is the goal of every caregiver of a loved one with Alzheimer’s. To increase the chances that my mother will sleep at night (and that I will too), one of my challenges as a caregiver is to keep her awake and occupied during “normal” waking hours.

Let me share a few of the things which I have found helpful in my caregiving journey.

Coloring – I have written briefly about the joy of coloring in the post “Tuesday’s Tip: Adult Coloring Books,”but would like to elaborate a bit. At first introduction to coloring, Momma didn’t want a thing to do with it. We bought a few “adult coloring books” and a set of colored pencils and hoped she would enjoy spending a little time coloring and less time sleeping. We had a paid caregiver who came on Friday nights and another who came on Sunday mornings. Each of these ladies enjoyed coloring, so they would get out their own coloring stuff and color, and soon Momma took interest and would join them. She’s actually quite good at it.

Handmade coloring cards Momma receives each week from her friend (and ours) Suzy. Each card has a special Bible verse printed within. These special cards are treasured and carried around at all times in Momma’s purse.

Thornton’s Art Supply Premier Premium 150-Piece Artist Pencil Colored Pencil Drawing Sketching Set with Zippered Black Canvas Pencil Case

We soon bought her oodles of coloring books and this amazing colored pencil set. She would spend hours coloring, and even enjoyed sorting the colors in the case to her liking.

As her Alzheimer’s has progressed, her desire to color has diminished somewhat. She grows a bit frustrated by the super-detailed coloring pages she enjoyed at first, so we now purchase coloring books with bigger images and a little less detail. She has also gravitated over time to choosing just greens and yellows, so we keep her colored pencil case supplied with plenty of shades of green and yellow.

Puzzles – I’ve written about how much puzzles have been a blessing in our caregiving experience, first writing about it in a pre-blogging Facebook note titled, “Puzzled.” As with any other creative activity, if I ask Mom if she wants to do a puzzle, she’ll usually say an emphatic “No!” But, if I just sit down near her and start working on one, she’ll join the fun and will soon be pushing my hands away so she can work on it herself.

The church reminds her of the one where she was married in Anmoore, WV. Working this favorite 100-piece puzzle evokes memories and stories of her own wedding day. We put this one together several times a week – each time to her as if it were the first.

Not all puzzles are created equal when it comes to being friendly for those with cognitive or memory disorders, arthritic hands, or poor eye-sight. I am pretty impressed with puzzles by Springbok. Their puzzles are cheerfully bright and colorful and aren’t baby-ish. Puzzle pieces are larger and thicker than most puzzles, making it easier for elderly, shaky hands to handle.

My daughter captured this photo of her beloved grandma being too busy working a puzzle to even put her sandwich down between bites.

Bible and Devotional Reading – Momma is a woman of faith who loves the Lord Jesus with all of her heart. It warms my heart to hear her talking with Him in prayer throughout the day and the night. Several of her well-marked Bibles will attest to the fact that she was a faithful student of the Word of God. Sadly, Alzheimer’s makes reading for understanding very difficult and Momma no longer reads her Bible like she used to do so faithfully. How thankful I am to know that even when she can no longer read, the Word of God stored up and treasured in her heart will still speak to her and bring her comfort.

I am thankful Mom can still read. On good days, she enjoys paging through one of her old study Bibles and re-reading notes she has written in the margins. and verses she has marked.

Mom was always a voracious reader, but can now only read small bits with understanding, and she may read and re-read the same page for an hour. Devotional books are perfect, as each daily devotional is only a page or two in length, succinct in thought, and features just one or two verses from God’s Word. I make sure she has several devotional books to choose from whenever she feels like reading a bit.

Fellow Caregivers, let’s hear your ideas too! EnCOURAGE one another daily!

 

Tuesday’s Caregiver Tip: Busy Hands

One of the biggest challenges of every caregiver is keeping their loved one occupied, feeling productive and useful. I would like to share three things we have discovered my mother enjoys.

Mom’s knees aren’t real stable, so standing for any length of time is difficult. Though I could do the job faster myself, it helps her feel productive if I allow her to dry dishes for us. We set out a towel at the kitchen table, then put the dish rack on top. She has fun sorting, matching and stacking the dishes and flatware as she dries. Mom is very thorough – even drying the dish drainer when she is finished.

Drying Dishes

Someday I would love to make a quilt. My Pinterest board, Quilty Crafty Ideas,  attests to the fact that I’m particularly drawn to scrappy-looking quilts. One day I lugged my sewing machine upstairs from my basement sewing room to the kitchen table so I could keep an eye on Momma and enjoy sewing for a few hours. As I sewed scrappy squares together in pairs for a future project, I discovered quite by accident that my mom enjoyed playing with my fabric squares. I gave her a small pair of scissors and let her snip the threads which connected the pairs. She was happy and content for the entire afternoon.

Sorting fabric squares for quilting

I have a nice little button collection. My grandchildren love to have me dump them out on the living room floor and we can while away an hour or more playing sorting games and choosing favorites. It dawned on me that mom might also enjoy this tactile sensory activity too. I dumped them on a big tea-towel on the kitchen table and mom spent about 3 hours playing with them. I gave her a bunch of little dishes and she sorted them into color families. Sometimes she would look for buttons she particularly liked and then line them up all in a row. Occasionally she would see one that brought back a memory, such as the black buttons that she thought used to be on one of her coats. Button sorting has become a regular activity.

Sorting Buttons

I’d love to read about your activity ideas too. Please do share your favorite activity in the comment section below.

Caregivers, be encouraged to try something new and keep pressing on!

 

Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

Sometimes my Momma gets up during the middle of the night and wanders around in her room – typical “sundowning” activity. From my comfy bed, I can keep an eye on her via camera on the monitor I keep on the nightstand. I’ll sleepily watch as she opens and closes drawers, switches the contents of one drawer to another, fiddles with knobs, looks through books and photo albums, and arranges and rearranges things in her purse. Once she is satisfied all is right in her world, she’ll generally go back to bed on her own and I can go back to sleep knowing she is safe. That having been said, if I see her walker on the left side instead of the right side of her bed, I’ll sneak down after she has drifted off to sleep and quietly switch it (and her shoes) over to the opposite side of the bed.

img_1028-1The familiar idiom, “waking up on the wrong side of the bed” usually refers to someone having a bad day right from the start. In Momma’s world of Alzheimer’s, it is entirely possible to very literally “wake up on the wrong side of the bed.” It’s interesting how a seemingly teeny difference of throwing her legs over the opposite side of the bed when she awakens will cause her day to begin awry.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she sees a different view and doesn’t know where she is at all, and will often cry out, “Where on EARTH am I?”

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she won’t know where her shoes are. She’ll fuss and fret and say repeatedly, “Where are my shoes? Who took my shoes?”

img_4948
A very important door to be able to find.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed means she will have great difficulty finding her way to the bathroom situated just a few steps away from her bed. Instead of being down the little hallway right in front of her, she’ll have to walk those extra steps around the end of her bed, causing her extra discomfort and pain in her already painful feet and knees, which definitely increases her risk of falling.

Moving her walker to the ‘right side’ of the bed is a very small kindness I can do to make her daily journey with Alzheimer’s a little more familiar, navigable, and comforting.

What small acts of kindness make your loved one’s world a little easier? Please do share in the comments section.

Six on Saturday – “Hello” to Autumn

Like most Midwestern gardeners, my season in the garden for 2018 is coming to a close and, as always, I have so much left to do. Over the past few summers, taking care of Momma has been my first priority with time spent in the garden has been very limited. This year Momma lives with me, so my gardening strategy has been to squeeze at least one gardening task into one of her daily naps. I know I’ve accomplished a lot more this year than the past two or three, but I still feel a tad bit overwhelmed. I have four new daylilies (purchased in June) which are still awaiting planting in my flowerbeds, hostas I’d like to divide, weeds that need to be pulled, bushes needing trimming, mulching that should be done, and my newly arrived mail-order of new tulip and daffodil bulbs awaiting burial in a sunny garden location. I’ve had all sorts of reasons (excuses) –  hot rainy weather paired with mosquitoes; cold rainy weather paired with soggy ground; and plain ol’ busyness paired with the tiredness that comes from late nights taking care of my mom as she wrestles with the fiend, Alzheimer’s.

With only a suggestion, my wonderful husband painted a few of my garden trellises to renew their almost spent life cycle. Here’s one he painted red for me. It looks amazing as a backdrop for some orange zinnias that are still lookin’ snazzy on the edge of a flowerbed awaiting fall cleanout.

One of autumn’s faithful beauties is most definitely sedum. So, so, so pretty.

Our fireplace woodpile houses a few chipmunks who love to use the top log as their stage for their morning ‘chippy’ serenades. I noticed something fun when I was looking through photos…their stage has a lovely heart shape in the wood-grain on the end.

One of my favorite shades of green in the garden is this one – a lovely chartreuse-y green that lights up the garden wherever it is planted. This ‘Tiger-Eye’ Sumac graces the north-east corner of our backyard deck.

I don’t recall planting cosmos this year, but I’m loving this fuchsia pink volunteer…and so are the visiting bees.

This beautiful cherry red zinnia makes me smile too. With very little effort, late summer and early fall are rewarded with this cheery flower. I’m a perennial gardener, but there is always room for zinnia in my gardens.

And I always, always wish I had planted more zinnia.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my very first contribution to ‘Six on Saturday’– a fun blog meme hosted by  The Propagator, and introduced to me by Carolee, whose blog “Herbal Blessings” makes me aspire to be a better gardener. Please take a moment to check out both of their blogs. You’ll soon find yourself virtually wandering through some pretty amazing gardens all over the world and I guarantee  you will learn something along the way.

 

 

A Grace of Alzheimer’s: a lesson in suffering

My heart was recently challenged by reading a book from the Heroes of Faith series – the biography of Watchman Nee by Bob Laurent. I was so moved and inspired by this man’s faith, his godly wisdom, and courage in the midst of persecution and trials of life greater than I will ever experience. So challenged was I by his life and teaching that I found myself yearning to learn more from him. I reserved two books written by Nee through my local library: “The Normal Christian Life” and “The Character of God’s Workman,” and am currently reading the later.

I take a book with me when I go to the gym each morning, having purposed in my heart to use this time to exercise my body and feed my heart, mind and soul too. I have come to treasure this precious time…an hour on an exercise bike is over before I know it. As I pedaled and read today, something in chapter 3 made me think of my dear mother.  In this chapter, Nee speaks on 1 Peter 4:1, regarding our Lord’s attitude toward suffering and its admonition for Christians to have the same attitude and mind as Christ in our various earthly encounters with suffering. Nee notes that many Christians who encounter trials in life find themselves side-lined, withdrawing from serving Christ. Nee challenges the Christian reader by saying:

“No one who serves the Lord may stay home during rain and go forth only after the sun comes out. If you have the mind to suffer, then you will work on in spite of privation, difficulty, pain, sickness, or even approaching death.”

I immediately thought of my mom when I read that bit today, causing me to reflect on some of the ways she handled the trials in life.

When she was faced with having to take early retirement from her nursing job due to budget cuts the county was facing, my mom rejoiced. Now she could serve the Lord more in her local church.

My parents’ ministry to their family also carried on – cancer, headaches, bad knees and all. Where most retired couples have empty bedrooms, my parents had a steady stream of children and grandchildren occupying those rooms. It didn’t matter if they were out of a job, or cash-poor students, there was a bed with clean sheets, and a fridge full of favorite foods.

Each time my Dad faced a cancer diagnosis (five different cancers in his lifetime), mom was by his side for his surgeries and treatments. She could have used that as a perfectly plausible reason to back out of her ministries, but she kept on serving in the church, working her ministries around helping him. She also encouraged my dad to persevere in his church attendance and ministry as long as he was able. Only the final debilitating scourge of sarcoma took my dad away from his volunteering as a handyman at his church, and as a driver and treasurer for Christian League for the Handicapped.

When my dad died, my dear mother grieved, but she didn’t wallow in her grief and discontinue her ministries. Quite the contrary! She and a friend who was also a recent widow set their minds and hearts toward forming a ministry to other widows and widowers.

As I look back over her numerous notepads and journals that I packed when she made her move from Milwaukee, I can see that she was aware her memory was failing long before it became noticeable to anyone else. If I read between the lines, I can see there was a certain amount of fear that came with the awareness of memory loss and where it might lead. Knowing that her memory was fading didn’t stop her from serving in her many ministries. Even when the disease reared its ugly head enough for her friends to take notice, she never said, “How can I possibly take on the Lord’s work when I can’t even care for myself?”

Though my mother certainly had a “mind to suffer” in whatever hard things life threw her way, there did come a time when Alzheimer’s dealt a life-altering blow. The day came when driving to church was no longer an option. Another day came when planning anything was an insurmountable obstacle. Then, a time when remembering names was an impossibility. Everything about life was changing and becoming very hard. Only then did her ministries begin to fall away – not because she wanted them to, but because it was time.

Even now, in this time of life “approaching death,” I see in my sweet mother’s life yet another “grace of Alzheimer’s” – the grace of Christ-like suffering.

 

Why “Momma”?

An old friend recently noted that I refer to my mother as “Momma” in my writings. She wondered whether my mother would prefer to be called “Mom”.

I’m not really sure why I refer to her as “Momma” in my writing, other than it being a term of endearment between us. Most of the time, when I greet her, I say “Hi Mom!” I’ve never really noticed, but would venture to guess that I usually call her my ‘mom’ when I’m talking about her with someone.

‘Momma’ is a decidedly southern term of endearment; two sounds hitched together – Mom+ma. I use the less common spelling of Momma, but you’ll more often see it as Mama – also two sounds hitched together – Ma+ma.

‘Momma’ is not used much here in Wisconsin where I’ve raised my own children. My daughter calls me “Mom” and my son calls me the even more casual, ‘Ma.’ I answer to both without preference for one or the other.

Though my mother has lived in Wisconsin since 1955, she was actually born and raised in West Virginia. In my mother’s world living with Alzheimer’s, her years in Wisconsin have all but vanished along with her ‘accent’ and all but a few words and phrases from her upbringing. In her mind, she is still living in West Virginia. As I recall, most of my cousins call their mothers “Mom,” which to my northern ears sounds more like a slightly drawn out “Mawm” than my “Mahm”. But, oftentimes, when talking about their mothers, my cousins also say “my Momma” too. So, I think it is safe to say it was a pretty common term of endearment for mothers in her earlier years.

All that to say, I don’t really know why I sometimes call her Momma. I just do. It’s the term I use when it’s just the two of us. I hear myself call her that when I tuck her in at night and say “Goodnight, Momma. I love you. See you in the morning.” To which she will usually reply, “Goodnight. I hope I’m here in the morning.”

As I head upstairs to bed each night, I often think, I hope you’re here in the morning too Momma. But, if you’re not, I know you’re in a better place – a place where you long with all your heart to be.